Photo Credit: Artem Bali via Unsplash

I hated her with every fiber of my being.

In the beginning, she was merely a symbol, a wrecking ball that invaded our family and smashed it apart. I didn’t ask her name for a long time. If I knew her name that would make her a real person who slept with my husband without a thought for his wife or his two young sons. In my grief was a speck of doubt that this was really happening and that my husband was walking out of our front door after sixteen years to be with her.

He came back to…


The story of an unlikely hero.

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My close bond with my father remained intact from my birth in 1968 to his death in 2003. It was almost fitting that he died of coronary artery disease because his heart had been broken all his life, first by his family and then by my mother. I stayed by his side in the hospital for three days and nights praying for him to get better. He wasn’t conscious, but I told him everything I wanted to say about us.

My husband convinced me to go home for a while and get some rest…


How to cope when you’re feeling “meh.”

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I spent the first six months of the pandemic in a constant panic attack. I’d had them before but never quite so intense. It was like being frozen, glued to the TV, as my brain struggled to process what was happening. There wasn’t a lot of information back then about what the world was dealing with regarding COVID-19. The future was uncertain and all of my plans rendered meaningless. People everywhere were sick and dying.

When I got sick myself in March of 2020, I faced my own possible mortality, making desperate phone…


It changed my life for the better.

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Yet again, I was about to be homeless. I’d been renting a condo owned by my ex-husband, but I never gave him money for the two months I stayed there. It was still hard for me to show up at work when I was feeling like death. As a result, my paychecks were dwindling. At least I was clean and sober. It was truly the only thing I had going for me. My addiction to pills and alcohol had been a nightmare, and I almost didn’t make it out alive.

I still had physical and mental cravings, though, and I…


She was always closer than I realized.

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If I had to pinpoint the exact moment I became angry with my mother, it would have to be when I was twelve. I learned she was cheating on my father, and when I confronted her, she pointed her finger right back at me.

“If you tell your dad about this, your life is over.”

It was the strangest thing a mother could say to her own child. I knew that even as a preteen. It made me afraid of her, a fear that would last into adulthood. I promised myself that I’d never get close to her again so…


It’s about more than self-control.

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Trigger warning: Suicide attempts.

Bipolar disorder, type 2, includes symptoms of hypomania. It’s a little less than a full manic episode, and there’s usually no psychosis or hallucinations involved. Bipolar 2 also has depression symptoms that can be more severe than bipolar 1. Both are lifelong illnesses that can be devastating.

When I got my official diagnosis of bipolar 2, my psychiatrist told me it wasn’t “the bad kind.” He didn’t give much information either on what to expect or any other treatment options besides medication. I admit I kind of blew it off even though I continued to have…


A story of love, loss, and love again.

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Once in a great while, I think of the house I lived in with my ex-husband that was built from the ground up just for us. Not only did the house have my beloved French doors, but there was a shower with three different jets, wood floors, a walk-in closet the size of a bedroom, and a gorgeous saltwater pool with a hot tub. We only lived there for about a year because my ex left me for another woman. After that, I couldn’t stand to be there.

Suddenly every room in the house seemed haunted. I couldn’t even walk…


So how do you make amends?

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“It’s not my fault,” my mother shouted at me.

I wasn’t in the mood for games. “How is this not your fault?” I asked.

My mother spoke excitedly. “Because I’m sick. I have a mental illness, so I can’t be held responsible.”

I thought it was some type of bad joke. Being twelve years ago at the time, I had no understanding of mental illness. If my mom didn’t do all the terrible things that put me through hell, then who did them? She told me none of it was her fault, absolving herself, and I was so stunned I…


Finding the courage to be a parent again.

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On the day after I was discharged from a psychiatric hospital, my ex-husband came to my apartment with legal papers in his hand. He wanted me to sign over full custody of our two boys to him. I didn’t cry or beg. I didn’t even question him. The fact that I had a mental illness was well known to both of us. He handed me the papers, and I calmly signed them. It wasn’t until he left a few minutes later that I broke down.

I signed those papers because I knew my former husband was right. He came from…


It’s not due to a lack of hunger.

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My darling husband likes to watch Food Network as often as he can, especially Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives hosted by Guy Fieri. Sometimes he will binge every episode that airs on a weekend afternoon. I’m sure Mr. Fieri is a very nice person, but his voice gives me a headache, not to mention all the talking with food in his mouth. Still, my husband gets excited by every dish made on that show.

“Look,” he pleads, “just watch this episode with me.”

But I can’t.

“Don’t you want to learn how to make new things?”

It’s a complicated question with…

Glenna Gill

My memoir, “When I Was Lost,” is available now. Stay in touch with me at www.glennagill.com

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